Book P: LibraryLove May 8, 2011

A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life by Bethenny Frankel

Book description~ BETHENNY FRANKEL’S no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is personality won over countless fans, and made her a nationally bestselling author and the star of her own hit Bravo show Bethenny Getting Married? Now Bethenny opens up and shares the obstacles she overcame and the great success she has enjoyed while discovering how to approach life from “A Place of Yes.” Bethenny’s path was not always clear as she overcame a difficult childhood, failed relationships, entrepreneurial efforts that never quite got off the ground, and lifelong money struggles. To deal with these challenges, Bethenny developed ten rules for pursuing her goals with authenticity and drive.

Who is your mentor? Who do you look up to? Who inspires you in your life? Bethenny Frankel is someone who I share a lot of commonalities with and have gravitated toward for years. I could not WAIT to read her book and this is why…

I love that although Bethenny set out to write a self-help book, she in effect, crafted her memoir. And I couldn’t be happier! I’ve read all Bethenny’s previous books, and although they did share vignettes about her personal life, she inspires me and makes me laugh, I wanted to know how she got to this place of yes! I was so glad this book used her 10 steps,and even happier that she fleshed them out through personal stories, and experience and challenges she overcame. When these principles are applied practically, and the reader can see it, in plain sight, it’s easier to relate and apply it to your own life.

I have to say that I’ve been a Bethenny fan from her days long ago on the Martha Stewart Apprentice Show. I loved her spunky attitude and have always felt like we share many common threads. It was no surprise to me when she cropped up years later in the New York installment of the Real Housewives, and she is actually what got me to start watching the show. Since then, a LOT has changed. Bethenny has finally gotten to her place of yes, where I believe we can all be, if we take the time and put the effort in for ourselves. Bethenny and I eerily share a LOT of similarities both in past and present, so of course I jumped on the queue at my library and was so glad this book became available to me last week.

“A place of yes is about taking responsibility for moving forward, even if you have to climb over a mountain of obstacles. You are in charge, nobody else. The world around you changes. You stop being a victim and you start being the ruler of your own destiny.”

Through A Place of Yes, Bethenny uses the following rules, just to name a few,  to open up about her personal struggles and how she overcame them:

• FIND YOUR TRUTH: Dig deep inside and figure out what is authentic for you, not anybody else.
• ACT ON IT: You don’t have to have a master plan. But unless you do something, you’ve done nothing.
• EVERYTHING’S YOUR BUSINESS: Treat every job, person, and experience as if it could lead to your next big opportunity.
• OWN IT: If you do it, say it, think it—then own it. Stand up for yourself and fully acknowledge who you really are. Each rule is illustrated with compelling, sometimes funny, sometimes outrageous examples that are pure Bethenny. It’s easy to say no, to say “I can’t,” to expect the worst, and to doubt yourself. But your life can be better than “not bad” or “good enough.” It can be amazing. And by putting Bethenny’s rules together, you can use them to be more successful, more fulfilled, healthier, and happier than ever before.

What I also love is that Bethenny is clear in that sometimes, in fact many times, you must come from a place of NO to eventually come from a place of YES. I’ve learned this first hand over the last 5 years or so. When I finished college, I had a lot more free time on my hands not having to study anymore! I quickly got into this (BAD) habit of doing everything for everyone, taking on the weight of others at my own expense, sometimes triple booking my days. Sorry, but this is your life to live and your responsibility, not mine! I’ve stopped reminding people of commitments we have,  I’ve stopped feeling responsible for making other people’s lives better, introducing them to all my friends, including them in every single outing I organize or party I am invited to because I quickly learned others weren’t exerting the same effort, so I wanted to surround myself with those that were, and who truly followed through with their actions. And you know what? I have been so blessed with an amazing network of true, lifelong friends, who make me a better person because I consider them sisters.

I show my cards in the beginning, give all of myself, and if it doesn’t come back in return, it’s time to fold and move on! People will show you their true colors pretty quickly, it’s up to you to truly see. Along this same line, so many people expect their life to just magically be great, easy, smooth, with seamless relationships whether at work or at home. But what disappoints me is people’s’ unwillingness to recognize their shortcomings and make a change because they feel self-entitled. I’ve had many “character building experiences” in my life (to say it mildly), and I’ve learned which battles are worth fighting and which battles are not. My husband and I decided that we are breaking the chains of the past and foraging a new frontier. We don’t care who judges us because we’ve made our successes happen through hard work,  communication, and integrity. Yes, it’s scary, but knowing you have each other as a support system means you can tackle life’s biggest and most rewarding challenges, together, instead of letting them divide you.

Bethenny’s book isn’t re-inventing the wheel, but I love how personal she is, how open she is, especially as guarded as she used to be.
She uses this forum, in addition to her successful show on Bravo, to show people how they can break the chains of the past and turn the corner toward a life full of yes!

“I once read a quote in a book called Competition, that said, ‘Your opponent, in the end, is never really the player on the other side of the net, or the swimmer in the next lane, or the team on the other side of the field. Your opponent is yourself, your negative internal voices, your level of determination.” You have to stay in your lane. If you keep looking to the left and to the right to see what everyone else is doing, you slow down and lose your momentum. In any kind of competition, if you keep your mind on  you and not on anybody else, you stay focused and efficient. “

I am so happy for all her success, how she continues to work toward balancing her life as a wife, mother, business woman and public figure. I will continue to root for her because she is a great role model, especially for young women coming into their own from either a troubled childhood or troubled relationships. I definitely recommend you pick up A Place of Yes and learn to say NO a little more, like I did. =)

4/5 stars

9 down, 17 to go!

Up Next: Left Neglected by Lisa Genova

xo♥xo,

LibraryLove

Book #48: Fabookulous December 15, 2010

Burnt Toast by Teri Hatcher

Book description:

Like most women, Teri Hatcher learned her first lessons through her mother. And like many women, her mother had a hard time putting herself first. If a piece of toast got burned, she ate it herself, giving the better slices away. While this act of love and sacrifice was well intended, it also taught a lesson that is hard to unlearn: Your own satisfaction is not worth a slice of bread.

With Burnt Toast, a heartfelt, funny, poignant, and inspiring manifesto on this philosophy, Teri Hatcher reveals her life in unexpected ways, in the hopes of keeping other women from eating the burnt toast, and explaining why you’ll never get a second chance if you don’t open yourself up to the possibility.

If you’ve ever given up something good and taken the worst for yourself; if you’ve wondered if you’ll ever have sex again; if you’ve found yourself planning to fail rather than expecting to succeed, then you’ve eaten the burnt toast…and Teri Hatcher would like to have a word with you!

When I choose to read a book written by a celebrity author, it is usually because I am a fan and want to know more about them. But I wouldn’t necessarily say I am a “fan” of Teri Hatcher’s. Sure, I still tune into Desparate Housewives but for some reason I have a hard time separating the actor from the role and I think of Teri as Susan. Which is pretty much what I got out of this book too.

The amount of information she shares in this book is shocking; from no sex on her honeymoon to intimate massages to her favorite body parts, you’ll be surprised and almost feel like a voyeur. It’s so surprising because most celebrities spend so much time fighting for their privacy and hiding things about their personal lives, that to read the things this one penned almost feels absurd. And in the first 50 pages it is evident that this is someone who is VERY insecure. It’s a constant topic of discussion in this book. *sigh*

I have never before read a book that quoted the title so much. (She even recognizes this at one point and says “It is the title of the book” to which I thought of that childhood saying, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”) The idea is intriguing (moms and many women will sacrifice themselves to put others ahead) but to repeat the same thing the same way so many times gets tiring.

At times, the book is laugh out loud funny and that’s apparent when she offers stories of adventures with her daughter (who, clearly, and in a sweet way, is the love of her life.) Teri shares her challenges in being a single parent and how she had to overcome everything from getting all of the “intruders” (spiders to lizards) out of her home alone to her daughter’s first away trip with dad, leaving her home without her daughter. These stories made me reflect on my own childhood as my mom was a single parent as well. As children, you don’t realize your moms (or dads) have to deal with things they might not want to (bugs–eek!) but they do anyway to show you they are in control and able. That is really sweet 🙂 Teri has a lot of those stories about times she wanted to react a different way than she did because she knew her daughter’s eyes were on her.

While this isn’t my all time favorite memoir (but who said it had to be?) parts of it offered a smile and some chuckles. Would I recommend it? Only if you are a Teri Hatcher fan. Few books have been jointly reviewed by both LibraryLove and myself this year and this is one of them. Check out LibraryLove’s review of Burnt Toast  if you haven’t already seen it!

3/5 stars

Fabookulous

Status update for the year: As I kick into high gear to finish this challenge, I’ve now got an audio book going (you know, driving/getting ready/anything that keeps progress progressing ;)) as well as another book. Stay tuned for some reviews to spit out from Fabookulous!